1992

It is strange isn't it how the calendar keeps on going by? This picture was taken back in March while I got to sit next to my sister after not seeing her for a year. Now it's already nearing the end of August. 

I saw a tweet the other day that said 1981 is as far away from today as 1931 was in 1981...

How did that happen? How did my childhood become something so far off? We use to wear poodle skirts and have a sock hop... that would be like my gals having a NKOTB party while wearing florescent bike shorts with LA Gear high tops! So less iconic.

I was also thinking about how much has changed in my life since 2015. Seven years I've been saying, when I find the new normal then...

I guess stress and trauma after trauma is the new normal. Generally speaking I am happy. I miss my mom achingly. I miss my pre-mom's-death dad. I miss long slow summers. I miss traveling as a pack with my kids. I miss simplicity and less commitments. I miss ignorance. I miss not having to care.

But I don't miss plenty other things. I don't miss ignorance (I know, I know). I don't miss square boxes. I don't miss shallow friendships. I don't miss making myself smaller to fit in or not rock the boat.

Life is different. Thats ok. Maybe I'll throw a NKOTB party...without the bike shorts...

 

Radical

 Life has been being lived completely indoors lately. It's hard, not going to lie. Our region is on fire and the smoke is suffocating. I heard this morning they were burning part of Lassen Volcanic National Park to try to save it. That sentence just hurts my heart. 2016 found us at Lassen a few times, it was part of my healing after mom's death and all that 2016 brought. 

The heaviness that this years climate changes have brought are numbing. We are here. I have always clung to the notion that you teach our children to love our outdoor spaces before they can become stewards and activists...obviously this model works, for some, but maybe we should have been taking a more radical approach! Maybe my teachers, instead of helping us form an environmental club and doing beach clean ups should have been teaching us about the loss of Hetch Hatchy and the UNSUSTAINABLE harnessing of the Colorado! Maybe they should have taught us about infrastructure and the building of homes in the western part of our country at unsustainable levels! Maybe we should have had true indigenous teachings in school so that we would have learned early to listen to our elders about their knowledge of land stewardship and wild fires!

Do I blame my teachers? No. I had some radical teachers for the time and place. My 7th grade science teacher did help us form that environmental club. She was radicle in many ways. I had another science teacher, Mr. Jacobs my senior year of HS who took us through the eastern Sierras and Death Valley creating awe inspiring nature experiences. He also pulled us over just outside of Lone Pine CA, to what looked like an abandoned town with a derelict building. It was. It was Manzanar. And we sat there as he told us what had happened there. And that it was wrong. That was 1997, it was the first time I had heard of Japanese Internment camps. But I digress.

Is this our new August weather? The season of hiding inside just so that I can breathe a little? I don't know the answers. I don't know what we should do. For today I am turning off the news. My heart hurts for so many around the world. So many women. So many trees. So many.

Read THIS today and yes.

* Donnor Lake last night at sunset after we had to break out of the house from cabin fever.

Today

This morning I pulled out my garlic. I love how it fills the air with it's pungent smell. My harvest was not as robust as I had hoped. I planted more cloves than what I pulled. So either some didn't grow, or I will find they grow next year. Who knew garlic could be a late bloomer!

In past years if you read a post around this time there would be kids holding sparklers, maybe a firework shot, and definitely a parade picture or twelve. We spent nearly every 4th in my mom's small town from when Riley was in my belly until he was 14. Now? Well I would totally be ok skipping the day. Mom's keep somethings going for their kids and I tried the first couple of years but it's also ok for my kids to see that grief changes life.

So I pulled my garlic this morning, we will go to a neighbor's for bbq later, Dan will take the kids to see fireworks if they want to, and another 4th will pass.

I read THIS essay this morning. I listened to THIS song. And I am finishing THIS book today. 

 

Sheet-pan Dinner Heatwave Bust.

We are descending into the dreaded Western US heatwave that has been making the news after a short reprieve from our high 90's in June weather...that is to say its been HOT and it will continue to be HOT!

Before it got crazy hot Fern and I became sheet-pan dinner junkies. It started with the NYTimes Cooking recipe for sheet-pan Bibimbap. We love Bibimbap and any excuse to eat kimchi so that was a hit and is still in fairly heavy rotation. Then Samin Nosrat (she's amazing!!!) on the Home Cooking podcast mentioned oven roasted frozen veggies (episode 1) and then it got crazy over here. We were literally making large amounts of brown rice in the instant pot that would last several days and then roasting whatever veggies we had on hand or had picked up between classes, appointments, and work plus a protein. We then threw different condiments and/or fermented veggies on top (there is a joke that 1/3 of our fridge space is taken up with this menagerie...). This was happening for every dinner!

But now this Great Western Heatwave...my inability to run the AC very low, and the oven.

I think the next step is to figure out sheet-pan dinners on the bbq...

 

Yesterday was my big planting day. I often do it in the late evening when it has cooled off but I had so many seedlings I knew I would never get it done in an evening. So after another trip to the vet Fern and I dug in, literally! 

By three pm we were melting but only about half way through...like I said I had a lot of seedlings! So we stopped for the night and showered our very dirty and sore bodies. We had some little people over for the evening so that was it for yesterday. 

So now here I sit on my back patio, in the shade, knowing I need to get back at it. But oh man am I sore! Hopefully we get the rest in (minus a few that are just not quite ready to go out). I am so glad for Fern's help. She has great ideas and is a great companion to work with.

Hopefully next post I'll share a picture of all the seedlings in, looking small and neat, before a mid to late summer photo of the jungle it turns into! 

*Instead of all my seedlings living in the kitchen and caring them in and out every day I put my cold frame on the ground and filled it! Then I only had to open and close it everyday, and when the frost warning happened I only had to throw a couple blankets over it.

Here is Zinnia out exploring inside the cold frame early one morning.

 

Hello May 28th 2021!

Leili took this picture of the front yard Hawthorne tree in bloom. I like the angle and that the blossoms are not in focus. You can see the main part of the tree behind these up-close blooms too. 

I know I know, a blog post? Those have been sparse these last years. The kids have grown, four kids is more than a handful (one I have not gracefully managed most of the time), social media in the form of instagram took off (pictures and words is kind of what I did here), I became less self assured (that whole growing up bit), and the grief I've waded through the last 5 years and 8 months left me in a fog and a shadow of myself. 

So why tonight? Well for one I bought myself a new computer! My last one was 10 years old and a desktop which lived in the kitchen (great for homework and kids not great for a cohesive thought string). This new one is a laptop so I can hide in my office/sewing room or in a dark corner in a comfy chair (the current place). Second, it was just Fern and I tonight so we got our favorite Indian takeout (Thali) and we watched Julia and Julia. We did a Julia Childs unit (seriously so amazingly fun) but this movie was a little old for Leili so we waited until she was busy (first sleepover since the pandemic, no worries its outside in the backyard, no tent even). Julie and Julia and its 2000's technology is when I first started this blog. Writing it all in html (not sure I could remember how to do that anymore) and uploading cute pictures of my three small children so friends and family out of state could see them. Third I've actually been thinking about this space and really instagram is not my favorite, but I like the connection and the journal of sorts.

So I'm not sure what will end up here. I've changed, my life has changed, my kids are all so tall (Fern is still the petite one), and I'm busy. Maybe some herbal things will show up, maybe some nature, art maybe even? I'll keep the breastfeeding side of my life to a minimum, and homeschooling. I might share some of my writing.  Maybe some food/nutrition/recipe will appear. Or maybe nothing at all

I am currently cutting out inflammatory foods to see if I can get my ever upset digestion to smooth out. And because what I want more than anything is to not develop Alzheimers. I will gladly give up a lot to avoid that. 

So hello May 28th 2021 (how is it already nearly June?)!

 

Hollyhocks

This was the photo I shared on instagram today, its some hollyhock leaves and flowers. I am making a cold infusion with them to help with all of the irritation from our smoky air. It is that season, fire season. I've lived in the west most of my life and have endured fire season for all that time. Every year I hide indoors, seeking air conditioning and wishing the fires and smoke away.

I had not ever thought of enjoying my hollyhocks for anything other then their beauty but then yesterday a friend and herbalist stoped by to drop off a couple herbal preparations I bought from her and she said, "you are so lucky to have all this hollyhock to support you and your family right now". It turns out holly hock is in the marshmallow family (nope not those kind of marshmallows)! It is soothing and helps create a barrier to protect you from the irritation of mucus.

When we bought our house the backyard had been bulldozed to put in new septic lines so it was mostly dirt, and lots of it. But in one corner, just outside my bedroom window there were the tallest, prettiest hollyhocks growing. The kids all immediately stated this must be the right house because it had hollyhocks just like Grandma's house. Every year I smile when they grow tall thinking about my kids and how their minds work and who they hold dear.

HERE is a great primer on hollyhock as an herb. 

Is it odd that it was exactly two years ago today that I posted last? I think I might have a quarantine inspired blog revival... 

 

Last night I painted my toe nails. 

Three years ago today I flew to SLC to take care of my mom. During those two weeks I spent with her one of the things she asked me to do was to paint her toe nails. She felt unattractive and not very girly. Only one other time I my life do I remember her saying she did not feel girly, one time when we were broke and she could not afford to keep her hair as she liked it so she had cut it all off. 

So we went to the store, I pushed her wheel chair around and we picked out a nice hot pink. Her favorite. 

And then one of the last evenings I was there I painted her toe nails bright pink. She smiled. 

For the last three years I have not painted any other nails. I’ve not even had my nails painted. I’ve just had no desire to. It felt like a bit of a block but I did not know why. 

So last night as I sat and painted my toes that look just like hers I thought about it. And through the fog came this memory. The memory of painting my mom’s nails. 

And I smiled. 

A February Monday...

Oh Mondays...I don't even think it is anything except the thought of not weekend. So I am remembering a little Mary Oliver today, she is a wise one.

So to break up the Monday blues I thought I'd share a little of what is on my mind:

I am enjoying our short break in weather this weekend but also noticing that our weather is changing from that crazy January of snow to a February of (crazy) rain. Spring is coming! I think I need to go get some daffodils at TJ's! 

I keep sending the newish podcast Mindfulness + to everyone! It is super great and who does not need a little more mindfulness in their week! 

Along with podcasts I listened to a new to me podcast last night because of who was interviewed! On the new podcast Healthy MoJo they had Kevin Rahm (Mad Men and everything in between) on talking about growing up Mormon and his faith transition. It was really really good with some great insights if you or a family member has a faith transition and why to stay connected.

I have been trying to be better about writing my representatives, for praise or concern. I found this great "action list" that is mailed out each Sunday night, I can choose which things I want to act on and all the info I need is right there. I really don't like calling but I am a pretty good letter writer!! Along with that I came across this neat blog post at Alpha Mom about getting your kids involved with writing our representatives, and they provide a couple cute, printable postcards!

To provide a little creativity and color in my winter I have been knitting with a couple balls of Liberty Wool. It is so pretty and colorful! Just last night I cast off on a new hat for myself! But most of it has been for baby hats, easy take-anywhere-knitting for me.

Being a bit of a Shakespeare nerd, this week when discussing someone who became very offended at a statement the first thing I could come up with to say was, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." from Hamlet. Which got me to thinking about how you could really find a Shakespeare quote for nearly anything.

Hopefully today will be kind to everyone! 

Woman's March on Washington!

I choose to participate in the Woman's March yesterday, I have received some direct and indirect criticism about it. I am a patriotic person, I come from patriotic parents. I pray nightly for our national leaders and hope for good for our country, but that does not mean that I have to agree or stay quiet when those national leaders do things I don't agree with. And so I choose to stand up. I feel it is my patriotic duty to use my constitutional rights to speak out about preserving other's rights. 

I knitted and sent three pussy hats to Washington D.C. for the main march. One each in my mom, sister, and my name. It would have been amazing to have been there with them, the two most important women in my life.
* I received an email today from someone who received and wore one of my hats in D.C.! You can read about their adventure at the march HERE thank you Bonnie & David! 

It is always fun and rallying to make protest posters! It was wonderful to find so much beautiful art on the internet! Here and here.

I was able to make two more hats before I ran out of pink yarn and could find no more!

I met up with some of my lovely friends here and braved the cold! Burrr!

Poster watching was great! There were so many great ones. I liked this one. It was truly how this march felt. We were one big community, the conversation was like that of old friends among strangers! 

We were told they were expecting 3,000 marchers, a good number for the biggest little city...but the police estimated it to over 10,000! WOW! So much amazing energy.

After crossing the new Virginia St. bridge the plaza quickly filled up! It was amazing! The speakers were great!

My boys were at a scout campout and it was early for my girls but it was fun to have a few young souls with us! 

My back was in the photo gallery on the Reno Gazette Journal's page along with Amabell in the tree!

One friend snapped this photo of me with my pocket marchers! Some of the women in my family!

Another friend snap chatted me! 

And down south in warmer weather my daddy and sister Mary marched too! What a beautiful event, bringing together so much love and inspiration for change!

Just Some December Fun!

December is a busy month so I thought I'd put some highlights here so I remember them and not just the general rush!  

We do our stockings on St. Nikolas Tag at the beginning of December, I like this because then it is one thing I don't have to worry about closer to Christmas! 

The girls are Juliette or independent Girl Scouts this year, we are having fun with a couple of Leili's friends who are also Juliette Brownies. We went on a short hike near our house and made GORP!

Jake got braces! We now have TWO boys in braces! I am praying hard Fern's teeth continue to come in nice and strait! 

Speaking of Fern, she helped me out a bit with some sewing I had. It was nice to have the help and company and reminded me of all the time I spent in my mom's sewing room or in one of her shops helping her.

Dan and I got all gussied up for his annual work Christmas party, he works with some very nice people so it is nice to see them and fun to wear some of Mary's fancier fashions! 

The kids thought we were running too behind on getting a tree but we finally got it up and decorated. 

Some friends invited the girls to their Girl Scout troop's cookie making party! Leili had lots of fun frosting and Fern was super helpful making lots of frosting for the younger girls.

For some fun Christmas giving we went over to our local Humane Society with some donations and also to give the animals a little love too! How cute are these Girl Scouts!!! 

And what would December be without some extra sugar!!! We have all been making and baking and eating too much of it! Here is Dan and three of the munchkins with their gingerbread house. This was always one of Dan's favorite traditions growing up.

Yarn Along - December 2016

I am joining Ginny for the yarn along today!

Sorry for the cryptic photo but it's nearly Christmas and that means I don't want everyone knowing what I am working on...maybe next month I will have a post with all the goodies I made. This project is only a giveaway if someone saw the colors so, black and white it is! And sweet old Zinnia sitting beside me.

Reading wise, I am listening to Withering Heights. There is a good FREE version on Librivox (version 2). I am currently volleying between reading Knitlandia and War and Peace (free on kindle). I have eschewed anything beyond fairly mellow/happy/non-emotional reading as the holidays can be stress inducing and also a bit sad for me.

Happy December!

A Real Family Vacation!

We went somewhere and it was not on the way to family's homes or to family or because of family! It was just us! Because we wanted to!!

We ran away to San Francisco (without going into the city this trip), slept in a hotel and ate out every meal! Thats right! I did not have a PB&J station in the car!! Wahoo!!

After our 3 1/2 hour car ride we drove strait to the Golden Gate Bridge and saw the iconic bridge in the fog and rain! 5 out of 6 of us had not seen it before!

We then started towards our hotel in San Rafael but had to stop when we saw the signs for a Mission. I have always loved seeing different California Missions. I grew up near the Mission San Luis Rey and frequently visited the Mission San Juan Capistrano growing up. This one was quite beautiful too.

The next morning we headed over to the Richmond Docks, it was pouring when we ran in but beautiful once we came out!

We went to the Rosie the Riveter WWII Home Front National Park! It was a great museum and we even learned how to tie a real Rosie bandana!

Leili earned her Jr. Ranger Badge!

Also at the Richmond Docks we got to tour a ship that was built there during the Rosie the Riveter era. We met some great Veterans who showed us some amazing things!!

After our day's adventures we went for another look at the bridge since it was not raining. So very beautiful!

We saved the best for last! I have always dreamed of seeing the redwoods so we went to Muir Woods National Park and I got to touch a redwood!!

/

Riley and I left everyone else and hiked up further into the woods where it was peaceful and quiet, and we found this really neat bridge!

And Leili earned another Jr. Ranger Badge! Her third one this year! 

After the woods and a good lunch we drove out on the Marin Headlands, we say old battlements where cannon and guns were mounted to protect the harbor, we saw seals, and happened upon the Point Bonita Lighthouse! And it was open! We had to walk a suspension bridge out to it which was swinging a bit in the wind! 

After all this adventuring and museum going and hotel rooming we needed to have a little free time so we found a beach! Rodeo Beach, it use to be an army base. The barracks had an ocean view and were yards from the beach!

It was an amazing trip and on the way home I hit a farm stand and came home with bags of citrus and persimmons! Next time we will do the city!!